And design patterns for all

[kshegunov]

Hey,
As usual my love for design patterns has driven me to find more and more resources on the subject, so I dug up a nice list with good descriptions. Which I present to you, so enjoy!
(highlights from the editor in chief, yes - me! :P)

Resign Patterns

Ailments of Unsuitable Project-Disoriented Software

by
Michael Duell
mitework@yercompany.com

Abstract

Anyone familiar with the book of patterns by the Gang of Four [1]
knows that the patterns presented in the book represent elegant
solutions that have evolved over time. Unfortunately, extracting these
patterns from legacy code is impossible, because nobody knew that they
were supposed to be using these patterns when they wrote the legacy
code. Hence, this work is a catalog of patterns for the masses. The
patterns presented here represent abundant solutions that have endured
over time. Enjoy reading the patterns, but please don't use them!

1 Cremational Patterns

Below is a list of five cremational patterns.

1.1 Abject Poverty

The Abject Poverty Pattern is evident in software that is so difficult
to test and maintain that doing so results in massive budget overruns.

1.2 Blinder

The Blinder Pattern is an expedient solution to a problem without
regard for future changes in requirements. It is unclear as to whether
the Blinder is named for the blinders worn by the software designer
during the coding phase, or the desire to gouge his eyes out during
the maintenance phase.

1.3 Fallacy Method

The Fallacy method is evident in handling corner cases. The logic
looks correct, but if anyone actually bothers to test it, or if a
corner case occurs, the Fallacy of the logic will become known.

1.4 ProtoTry

The ProtoTry Pattern is a quick and dirty attempt to develop a working
model of software. The original intent is to rewrite the ProtoTry,
using lessons learned, but schedules never permit. The ProtoTry is
also known as legacy code.

1.5 Simpleton

The Simpleton Pattern is an extremely complex pattern used for the
most trivial of tasks. The Simpleton is an accurate indicator of the
skill level of its creator.

2 Destructural Patterns

Below is a list of seven destructural patterns.

2.1 Adopter

The Adopter Pattern provides a home for orphaned functions. The result
is a large family of functions that don't look anything alike, whose
only relation to one another is through the Adopter.

2.2 Brig

The Brig Pattern is a container class for bad software. Also known as
module.

2.3 Compromise

The Compromise Pattern is used to balance the forces of schedule vs.
quality. The result is software of inferior quality that is still
late.

2.4 Detonator

The Detonator is extremely common, but often undetected. A common
example is the calculations based on a 2 digit year field. This bomb
is out there, and waiting to explode!

2.5 Fromage

The Fromage Pattern is often full of holes. Fromage consists of cheesy
little software tricks that make portability impossible. The older
this pattern gets, the riper it smells.

2.6 Flypaper

The Flypaper Pattern is written by one designer and maintained by
another. The designer maintaining the Flypaper Pattern finds herself
stuck, and will likely perish before getting loose.

2.7 ePoxy

The ePoxy Pattern is evident in tightly coupled software modules. As
coupling between modules increases, there appears to be an epoxy bond
between them.

3 Misbehavioral Patterns

Below is a list of eleven misbehavioral patterns.

3.1 Chain of Possibilities

The Chain of Possibilities Pattern is evident in big, poorly
documented modules. Nobody is sure of the full extent of its
functionality, but the possibilities seem endless. Also known as
Non-Deterministic.

3.2 Commando

The Commando Pattern is used to get in and out quick, and get the job
done. This pattern can break any encapsulation to accomplish its
mission. It takes no prisoners.

3.3 Intersperser

The Intersperser Pattern scatters pieces of functionality throughout a
system, making a function impossible to test, modify, or understand.

3.4 Instigator

The Instigator Pattern is seemingly benign, but wreaks havoc on other
parts of the software system.

3.5 Momentum

The Momentum Pattern grows exponentially, increasing size, memory
requirements, complexity, and processing time.

3.6 Medicator

The Medicator Pattern is a real time hog that makes the rest of the
system appear to be medicated with strong sedatives.

3.7 Absolver

The Absolver Pattern is evident in problem ridden code developed by
former employees. So many historical problems have been traced to this
software that current employees can absolve their software of blame by
claiming that the absolver is responsible for any problem
reported. Also known as It's-not-in-my-code.

3.8 Stake

The Stake Pattern is evident in problem ridden software written by
designers who have since chosen the management ladder. Although
fraught with problems, the manager's stake in this software is too
high to allow anyone to rewrite it, as it represents the pinnacle of
the manager's technical achievement.

3.9 Eulogy

The Eulogy Pattern is eventually used on all projects employing the
other 22 Resign Patterns. Also known as Post Mortem.

3.10 Tempest Method

The Tempest Method is used in the last few days before software
delivery. The Tempest Method is characterized by lack of comments, and
introduction of several Detonator Patterns.

3.11 Visitor From Hell

The Visitor From Hell Pattern is coincident with the absence of run
time bounds checking on arrays. Inevitably, at least one control loop
per system will have a Visitor From Hell Pattern that will overwrite
critical data.

http://www.fsfla.org/~lxoliva/fun/prog/resign-patterns

[SGaist]

That reminds a bit of the eXtrem Go-Horse methodology (And before anybody tries to apply it, it is humor)

[kshegunov]

Damn I'm one of those XHG developers. :)

[VRonin]

@SGaist said in And design patterns for all:

And before anybody tries to apply it

That warning came too late for me too :(